Looking for patterns...

There are days when I feel lost in a maze of circular thinking, the noise, the patterns, overwhelms. Humans are suppposed to find patterns in everything to help us make sense of things. But some days even the amount of patterns in day to day life we are expected to navigate makes it difficult to know where turn. I constantly imagine that I will alight on some solution that will make all these patterns make sense, but no lightbulb moment ever materialises. Maybe that's the point of it all, we never get to figure out all the answers, and that eternally trying is the route of all my problems. What I have found useful over the last few weeks though is imposing a pattern/a routine on my life that's quite rigid and stripped back, and was forced on me through ill health. So I've taken a step back, focused on eating well, exercising, home, and the basic routines of daily life - mealtimes, washing, tidying, cleaning. It all sounds, even as I type it, against what my career and educated self is supposed to do. And it's not the return to some domestic servitude that I think is the key, but small things like cleaning the bathroom, preparing a meal and going swimmimg at a certain time each day are patterns that allow a sense of control and clarity. And my brain feels less scrambled as a result. My current mantra is home/health/heart and hearth, and for the last few weeks at least, it's helped me navigate the overwhelming patterns of the world.

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